BY: BARBARA FREDRICKSON, Ph.D.
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4 Thoughts
1. What is Love 2.0?
Before we get into the surprisingly straightforward breath-love connection, let’s answer the obvious question: What is “Love 2.0”?
Dr. Fredrickson defines love as a micro-moment of “positivity resonance” between you and another person. To experience it requires three things:
“[L]ove is the momentary upwelling of three tightly interwoven events: first, a sharing of one or more positive emotions between you and another; second, a synchrony between your and the other person's biochemistry and behaviors; and third, a reflected motive to invest in each other's well-being that brings mutual care. My shorthand for this trio is positivity resonance.”
What’s unique about this idea of love as positivity resonance is that it’s based on the science of mind and body. It’s psychological, like most ideas of love. But it’s also physiological—it’s rooted in what our bodies are doing, not just how we feel at any given moment. This is love 2.0
Although this outlook has some downfalls—for example, it technically means you can’t experience love with someone unless they’re physically close to you—it’s actually a neat perspective for experiencing more love in our day-to-day lives. It means we can share positivity resonance (and thus love) with anyone, even complete strangers:
“At the level of positivity resonance, micro-moments of love are virtually identical regardless of whether they bloom between you and a stranger or you and a soul mate; between you and an infant or you and your lifelong best friend. The clearest difference between the love you feel with intimates and the love you feel with anyone with whom you share a connection is its sheer frequency.”
Thus, checking out at the grocery store, crossing paths on a walk, or waiting in line for a coffee. These are all opportunities to create a micro-moment of positivity resonance, experience love, and, as we will see, improve our physical, mental, and spiritual health.
2. The Breath-Love Connection: Vagal Tone = Loving Potential
“Keeping in mind that love is connection, you should know that your vagus nerve is a biological asset that supports and coordinates your experiences of love. Completely outside of your awareness, your vagus nerve stimulates tiny facial muscles that better enable you to make eye contact and synchronize your facial expressions with another person. It even adjusts the minuscule muscles of your middle ear so you can better track the other person’s voice against any background noise. In these exquisitely subtle yet consequential ways, your vagus nerve increases the odds that the two of you will connect, upping your chances for positivity resonance.”
The breath-love connection is the same connection linking our hearts to our brains and our guts to our lungs. It’s our vagus nerve.
As Dr. Fredrickson points out above, “your vagus nerve is a biological asset that supports and coordinates your experiences of love.”
She even goes as far as to say:
“High vagal tone, then, can be taken as high loving potential. … Compared to people with lower vagal tone, those with higher vagal tone experience more love in their daily lives, more moments of positivity resonance.”
This is where breathing comes in. Research shows us that we can immediately increase our vagal tone with just five minutes of slow breathing. We can also improve our baseline vagal tone (and thus baseline loving potential) with just 10-20 minutes of slow breathing daily.
Thus, slow breathing literally increases our physiological ability to love.
So breathe less to love more.
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P.S. Increasing vagal tone does a lot more than just increase loving potential. Here’s how Dr. Fredrickson describes people with higher vagal tone: “Physically, they regulate their internal bodily processes more efficiently, like their glucose levels and inflammation. Mentally, they're better able to regulate their attention and emotions, even their behavior. Socially, they're especially skillful in navigating interpersonal interactions and in forging positive connections with others.” Sounds good to me 🙏
3. Breathing is Also Self-Love, a Precursor to Loving Others
As Dr. Fredrickson described love (or positivity resonance) throughout the book, it sounded identical to the feelings slow breathing elicits. In fact, there were many places I felt like we could just replace “love” with “breathing” and not change the meaning of the sentence.
Here’s one of my favorites:
“As for all positive emotions, the inner feeling [breathing] brings you is inherently and exquisitely pleasant—it feels extraordinarily good, the way a long, cool drink of water feels when you're parched on a hot day. Yet far beyond feeling good, a micro-moment of [breathing], like other positive emotions, literally changes your mind. It expands your awareness of your surroundings, even your sense of self. The boundaries between you and not-you—what lies beyond your skin—relax and become more permeable.”
But technically, our breathing practice cannot be considered “love” because it lacks connection with another person (see Thought #1). What it can be considered, however, is self-love, a precursor to love:
“The old saying tells us that we can’t love others unless we first love ourselves. It’s true.”
I actually can’t think of a better description of breathing than “self-love” since it nourishes us physically, mentally, and spiritually. But Dr. Fredrickson would likely group it into a broader category she calls “preparatory” practices for love:
“While these activities do not directly create positivity resonance, they can set the table for an eventual feast of love. … They condition your mind, heart, eyes, and ears to be more prepared for positivity resonance when true connections become possible.”
Thus, we might say that breathing is a self-love practice that increases our vagal tone and prepares our hearts and minds to feast on more love-love throughout our day.
And this daily feast of love will compound into a happy and healthier life, as we’ll cover next.
4. Your Upward Spiral of Love & Breathing
“With this momentarily broadened, more encompassing mind-set, you become more flexible, attuned to others, creative, and wise. Over time, you also become more resourceful. This is because, little by little, these mind-expanding moments of positive emotions add up to reshape your life for the better, making you more knowledgeable, more resilient, more socially integrated, and healthier. In fact, science documents that positive emotions can set off upward spirals in your life, self-sustaining trajectories of growth that lift you up to become a better version of yourself.”
That description of love is, in a nutshell, how I feel about breathing. Breathing helps you become more flexible, attuned to others, creative, and wise. More knowledgeable and resilient, healthier and more resourceful.
And that last sentence perfectly summarizes the goal of the Learning Center and The Breathing 1%, in particular. By consistently expanding your brain and body through reading and daily breath practice, you start “upward spirals in your life, self-sustaining trajectories of growth that lift you up to become a better version of yourself.”
But perhaps a big part of this all comes back to love. We’ve now learned that breathing is self-love; it increases our vagal tone and allows us to experience more love-love (more positivity resonance). Experiencing more love, then, will reshape our lives for the better, triggering an upward spiral that lifts us to become the best versions of ourselves we can become.
That sounds amazing to me 🙏
1 Life-Changing Idea
Becoming Breathing Wise
“We call people that meet these ideals wise. They have what scientists call ‘expertise in the fundamental pragmatics of life.’ They judiciously draw on their past experiences and values to arrive at practical and fitting courses of action for themselves and others in nearly any situation. They not only grasp the human condition and the meaning of life but are also able to translate these lofty philosophical insights into down-to-earth plans and advice. Wise people, studies show, are especially discerning because they are able to see holistically and integrate seemingly contradictory perspectives to achieve balance and well-being in everyday life.”
Based on that passage, being wise sounds pretty darn appealing. And that’s precisely what we’re doing together in the Learning Center. We’re learning to draw on our knowledge and past experiences to “arrive at practical and fitting courses of action for [ourselves] and others in nearly any situation.”
And with all the conflicting (yet equally correct) viewpoints on breathing, we’re doing our best to “see holistically and integrate seemingly contradictory perspectives to achieve balance and well-being in everyday life.”
Simply stated: We’re on a path to becoming breathing-wise.
But from an even broader perspective, since breath is life, we might even say: Breathing wiser is being wiser.
So here’s to integrating these ideas, stacking them with skills you already have, and sharing them with the world to become wiser and better, starting today.
1 Stack of Memorable Quotes
“The new take on love that I want to share with you is this: Love blossoms virtually anytime two or more people—even strangers—connect over a shared positive emotion, be it mild or strong.”
“What you long for is love. Whether you’re single or not, whether you spend your days largely in isolation or steadily surrounded by the buzz of conversation, love is the essential nutrient that your cells crave: true positivity-charged connection with other living beings.”
“Just as your body was designed to extract oxygen from the earth’s atmosphere, and nutrients from the foods you ingest, your body was designed to love.”
“Love—like taking a deep breath or eating an orange when you’re depleted and thirsty—not only feels great but is also life-giving, an indispensable source of energy, sustenance, and health.”
“When you experience love—true heart/mind/soul-expanding love—you not only become better able to see the larger tapestry of life and better able to breathe life into the connections that matter to you, but you also set yourself on a pathway that leads to more health, happiness, and wisdom.”
“Put succinctly, smiles may well have evolved to make love, to create positivity resonance.”
“Keeping in mind that love is connection, you should know that your vagus nerve is a biological asset that supports and coordinates your experiences of love.”
“Scientists can measure the strength of your vagus nerve—your biological aptitude for love—simply by tracking your heart rate in conjunction with your breathing rate.”
Talking about Harvard psychiatrist George Vaillant: “Succinctly, he concludes, “Love is the shortest definition of spirituality I know.” I see no need to improve upon this definition.”
“[L]ove and health cocreate each other in your life.”
“Each new breath creates a unity of life as all people share the nourishment that the earth’s atmosphere freely offers.”