BY: RUSS HARRIS
4 THOUGHTS
1. Presto, Instant Success: Breathing (And Life) Values Vs. Goals
“Values are ‘desired qualities of ongoing action.’ In other words, your values describe how you want to behave as a human being: how you want to act on an ongoing basis,
[…]
Goals are ‘desired outcomes.’ In other words, goals are what you want to get, complete, possess, or achieve. Goals are not ongoing. The moment you achieve a goal, you can tick it off the list;”
This is a beautiful distinction between values and goals. And it highlights why we should focus on breathing values (nasal, quiet, deep, etc.) over goals.
Goals come and go, but values are always there. As Harris says, “in any moment, we can act on our values—yes, even if we’ve neglected them for years. Presto, instant success!”
Thus, anytime we act on our breathing values, no matter how long we’ve neglected them, we are instantly successful. So let’s do that, right now : ).
***
P.S. Here is another gem on values—we can choose them anytime we’d like: “Well, one of the beautiful things about values is we can choose them, right now, in this moment. So even if for our whole lives, up to this point in time, we have never lived by values such as persistence or self-development, we can choose to start right now. We can persist a little longer than last time, or work even a little at improving the way we do things. (Of course, you don’t have to choose these values, but if you want the benefits they can bring, then you can choose them anytime you like.)”
P.P.S. And one more tip for pursuing your values, which is their “right rule” number 5 for the confidence game: “Hold your values lightly, but pursue them vigorously.”
2. How to Be Confident: The First “Right Rule” of the Game
“This is a key point. If we want to do anything with confidence—speak, paint, make love, play tennis, or socialize—then we have to do the work. We have to practice the necessary skills over and over, until they come naturally. If we don’t have adequate skills to do the things we want to do, we can’t expect to feel confident.
This insight gives us the first “right rule” of the confidence game: RULE 1: The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later.”
If we want to feel confident with our breathing, or any other skill we’re developing, we must practice it over and over. Until it comes naturally.
For breathing, we could say: The action of breathing comes first; the good feelings and self-regulation come later.
But we can also apply this concept to being consistent. There are plenty of days when I don’t feel like doing my breathing practice (yes, even The Breathing Diabetic has days where he doesn’t want to breathe 😂). But I always just start. The action comes first; the motivation comes later.
So, let’s apply “right rule 1” in all domains of our life: action comes first; everything else comes later.
***
P.S. This also goes perfectly with the discussion of values above. When we act on our values, not only are we instantly successful, but our goals usually follow suit. Values come first; goals come later.
3. How to Get Good at Anything in 4 Steps
“If we want to get good at doing anything, we need to follow the four-step Confidence Cycle.
The Confidence Cycle (or how to get good at anything)
1. Practice the skills
2. Apply them effectively
3. Assess the results
4. Modify as needed”
If we want to get good at anything (which just so happens to include breathing), Russ Harris tells us we must follow the four-step Confidence Cycle.
Here they are modified for our breathing, but you can insert any skill you’d like to be more confident at:
1. Practice the skills: Consistently practice the breathing techniques that interest you. You have to practice to get good—no way around it.
2. Apply them effectively: Test them out in real life. Apply them when you’re stressed at work, before a presentation, or before sleep.
3. Assess the results: Did they actually help? Did they make things worse? (I can’t tell you how many times breathing didn’t do anything for me, or how many times it was a life-saver. Find what works for you.)
4. Modify as needed: Make changes based on what worked well and what didn’t.
Then, of course, repeat the cycle—but only for the rest of your life : )
4. Mindful Breathing is Just the Start to You Engaging Fully with Life
“Mindful Breathing is a useful practice in its own right. It allows us to take some time out from our busy daily routines, and often creates a restful state that allows us to recharge our batteries and find some inner peace. However, I’d like you to think of it as a versatile training tool to help you engage fully in every meaningful task in your life.” (my emphasis)
This is the perfect way to approach not only Mindful Breathing but any type of breath practice.
We use it to find inner peace, recharge, or build resiliency in a controlled environment.
But, ultimately, our purpose in all of this is to live better, to “engage fully in every meaningful task in your life.”
As Harris also says, when you’re engaged in something meaningful, “instead of shining the spotlight on your breath, shine it on the task that you are doing. Engage fully in the experience and let your thoughts come and go like passing cars.”
So, here’s to using our breath not as the end in itself but as a tool to help us become the best version of ourselves. To help us grow in our own unique way and engage fully in whatever we have been put on this planet to do.
1 LIFE-CHANGING IDEA
No One is Perfect (and the solution)
“The fact is, no matter how good we get at mindful, values-based living—even if we become Zen masters—there will be times when we forget. We’ll fall back into old habits, we’ll act in self-defeating ways, and we will get hurt and suffer as a result.
Our minds don’t want to accept this. Our minds want us to become perfect, to eliminate all our “flaws” and “weaknesses.” … Perfection may exist in the world of fantasy, of superheroes, magical beings, and gods. But it doesn’t exist down here on earth.
So should we give up?
No way! Although we’ll never be perfect, we can keep on learning and growing until the day we die. … In other words, we can continually develop our psychological flexibility: the ability to take effective action, guided by values, with awareness, openness, and focus.”
That’s about as good as it gets, folks! No one (literally no one) is perfect. No matter what we see on TV, Instagram, and so on, we’re all imperfect humans.
And even more life-changing than that is remembering that we’ll always slip up, no matter how far along the path we get. But as Harris tells us, that doesn’t mean we should give up. In fact, it’s even more reason to keep learning, keep improving, forever.
As someone who studies and practices this “life improvement stuff” a lot, but still slips up even more, this framework literally changed my outlook on life. I hope it does yours too.
1 STACK OF MEMORABLE QUOTES
“You can think of values as a compass you use them to set a direction and help you stay on track during the journey.”
“The second definition is used far less commonly. In this definition, confidence is not a feeling but an action; it is ‘an act of trust or reliance.’”
“For now, let’s just acknowledge, one more time, that developing genuine confidence requires work. Or rather, it requires ‘committed action.’”
“The practice of Mindful Breathing is thousands of years old. You can find it in religious, spiritual, and philosophical traditions as diverse as Hinduism, Judaism, Taoism, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, yoga, tai chi, and many martial arts.”
“So, Mindful Breathing is an excellent way to improve your ability to focus. And naturally, the more you practice, the better you’ll get.”
“One of the great things about Mindful Breathing is we can practice it anytime, anyplace.”
“When you step out of your comfort zone, take a risk, or face a challenge, you will feel fear. That’s not weakness; it’s the natural state of affairs for normal human beings.”
“Personally, I think we really shouldn’t call it ‘the comfort zone,’ as that makes it sound like a like a cozy café or a health and beauty spa, rather than a place that drains our lives away.”
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” - Helen Keller
“To quote the writer Margaret Fontey, ‘One important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one’s work seriously and taking one’s self seriously. The first is imperative, and the second is disastrous.’”